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Posts Tagged ‘bunny’

Yes, I know. The Superbowl is in Indianapolis and all the football crazies are descending upon my capital city even as I dictate this. Just in case you were wondering, I consider myself under siege. I instructed my staff to stock up on carrots, blueberries and all my favorite salad greens. My plan is for all of us to stay in and hide. It’s going to be a very long weekend.

In general, I think it is probably best that the San Francisco 49ers did not end up coming here. Oh, I am a fan and I would have loved to have seen them play in the Superbowl, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t think Indiana has the wine list to support even the most basic needs of the San Francisco fans. Beer you say?  Yes, that’s true but we don’t really have the density of micro-breweries necessary either and Lord knows we don’t have enough brie.

As for the Giants, I suppose if I must have an opinion, and, of course that is what you all expect of me, since we in Indianapolis broke our Manning, it’s nice that the emergency back-up Manning has had such a good year. I’m rooting for him.

As far as the Patriots go…*yawn*… … … … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Opps! *blush* What was I saying? Oh yes, Madonna! Really! The last time she was relevant I wasn’t even born – and I’m TWELVE years old. I suppose she is fine but if they were going to get someone who stopped being topical more than a decade ago all they had to do was look a few miles to the south. I’m sure John Mellencamp could have been talked in to singing Jack & Diane and Small Town one last time before he dies and at least he has been spending his down time trying to keep families from losing their farms.

In the end of the day, Indianapolis will make a massive amount of money. Fans will drink way too much beer and I will laugh, politely (or not) at a few commercials. One really has to wonder, when one observes our collective priorities, if we don’t get the country we deserve. In 2008 132M Americans voted in the Presidential election. Last year 111M watched the Superbowl. That isn’t a margin that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and I am warm and fuzzy all over.

 

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It is just as I suspected, God hates Tim Tebow. As a form of closed captioning for those of you who have been living under a rock or, perhaps, have spent the entire 2011-12 NFL season catching up on Downton Abbey and drinking wine with your friends while discussing favorite showtunes*, Tim Tebow is the new quarterback of the Denver Broncos who lead his team to the play-offs only to have them crushed flat and tossed far afield just as if they were a dried cow patty in the hands of the mighty New England Patriots.

So how does God figure in this manly drama? I first saw Tebow when he was in college and carrying the University of Florida Gators to a national championship…with a cross painted on his face and executing his signature move, Tebowing. I should clarify here that by “Tebowing” I mean conspicuously dropping to one knee, raising his hand to your face and praying as opposed to the sexual position of the same name. The latter would be, I am certain, more interesting but was not included as part of the televised Gator game. Tim Tebow is an open, in-your-face Christian who completely ignores the part of the Bible where Christ said:

“When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

Mathew 6:5 – 6

Apparently, Tim Tebow feels free to determine what parts of the Bible shall and shall not be followed. Personally, while I have pointed out that much of Leviticus is totally and completely ignored by Christians, except for the part about homosexuality which they randomly selected as essential, I would have thought that the actual words of the guy after whom the religion is named would have carried more weight. *blush* Obviously, I am wrong.

To be honest, my big gripe here has nothing to do with Tim Tebow, or at least, not with Tebow specifically. My big gripe is that ANYONE ANYWHERE thinks God cares about sports, much less one sports team or player versus another. Seriously people, if God was involved I for one would expect to see something truly miraculous, like the Indianapolis Colts winning the 2012 Superbowl. In my humble (or not because, let’s be honest, I’m a rabbit with a blog, what to I have to be humble about) opinion, when players and fans pray for a win or for help in “being all that they can be” they are being selfish. REALLY SELFISH.

In a world where peace is lacking, thousands upon thousands are dying of hunger and desease and we exist on the precipice of environmental oblivion I’m thinking that if God was actually involved in our day-to-day affairs, THAT is where I would want him to be focused. Maybe it’s just me but I’m hazarding a guess that peace in the Middle East is more critical for humanity than victory in a high school baseball game. It isn’t that I don’t think God can multi-task, it’s just that I’m not yet seeing swords beaten into plowshares in the Golan Heights so I have to assume that the setting of priorities may be important. Also, it seems to me that if all of us, no matter our faith, prayed for peace and understanding every single time we prayed and never, ever entered prayer with our own self interests in mind, the world might improve just by virtue of bringing the most important things to the forefront of our own minds.

The world may well be what God made it but it’s what we make it too. Go Niners!

Niners Huddle

*Craig & James- this means you! 😉

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Image

STRONG…or Not

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a rabbit but you don’t need to sit in a litterbox everyday to know that something is wrong with our country when bigots can serve openly in political office but our kids can’t openly be taught science and history without exaggerated myth impinging upon their curriculum. As President I’ll end the blasphemous war to distort religion and I’ll fight fear-based attacks by “religious” fanatics against the religious diversity and freedom of thought guaranteed by our Constitution. FREEDOM of religion and, in fact, just plain freedom, made America strong. It can make her strong again. I’m a rabbit and I approved this message.

And Another Thing…

Faith isn’t like “Twilight.” It isn’t Team Jesus vs. Team Muhammud vs. Team It’s None of Your Business. Faith isn’t about being seen sitting in church and it isn’t about slapping a fish on the back of your car. The back of your car is where you should be slapping truly excellent bumper stickers like these from Bunny Whipped but I digress.

faith |fāθ| noun

1 complete trust or confidence in someone or something

2 strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

• a system of religious belief

• a strongly held belief or theory

Faith is…well…FAITH. It’s the faith to believe there is room for other beliefs, that a God big enough to create what YOU already think he created is big enough to have created much, much more – like the laws of nature, science and other ways of thinking and believing. Faith is the security to know that God is big and that is alright. Faith is even the security to believe that if the person next to you doesn’t believe in God she is either right or wrong but it does not have any bearing what-so-ever on your faith.

Faith is also the ability to understand that faith is not diminished, or under siege, or in any way weakened by the beliefs of others. This is why the founding fathers of the United States made, as a cornerstone of our nation, freedom of religion. Yes, Christianity was the faith of some of the founders but they very purposefully left Christianity out of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Both they and the Supreme Court have been pretty specific on this point so I won’t be droll. Had the founders specified Christianity as the state religion than we would be in the very same boat as Saudi Arabia or, frankly, any communist country. Specifying what religion people will or will not worship is the exact opposite of the intentons of ALL of our founding fathers. It is one of the very few things they all agreed upon. What they gave us was FREEDOM of religion and if you can’t understand why it’s the “freedom” part and not the “religion” part of that which sets this nation apart, than I have this lovely hutch for you right out back.

Another thing about faith is that faith is often, very often, confused with force. Instead of feeling secure enough in their faith to practice it in their hearts and homes, some people, using  _____________ as their excuse, (and here you can fill in the blank with the name of almost any major religion) believe that forcing others to openly bow, with their hands over their hearts and “under God,” to the professed religion of the majority makes faith stronger. NEWS FLASH:  God doesn’t need your vote. God is God (or not – for all you atheist bunnies out there) no matter what and forcing others to bow and recite words they do not believe or backing children of different faiths into a corner so that they feel less-than for not agreeing with the dominant religion, evidences not faith in God but the exact opposite. If you think you need to force someone, anyone, then you are testifying that your beliefs are not strong enough without that other person and that your God needs both you and them in order to be God. You need to know that the Great Bunny is there no matter what any of the rest of you believe. I am at peace with that. I have faith.

And One Last Thing…

On this, the eve of Christmas Eve, I’ve been thinking about innkeepers. As the story goes, Mary and Joseph returned to Bethlehem, for the census of Joseph’s family, having, foolishly, not made prior reservations. Since the rest of the line of David was there as well, there was, as they say, “no room at the inn.” Increasingly worried about the impending birth, Joseph and Mary went from inn to inn and every single time they were turned away. Even two thousand years later we think about those innkeepers and we shake our heads but here is what we forget. One man, and I guarantee you it was a man given the place of women at that time in history, said “yes.” He wasn’t an innkeeper and all he had available was a stable, but one man said, “yes.”

Who was that guy? History has denied him his rightful place but one has to wonder, given the general population of Bethlehem at the time, was he a Palestinian? He wasn’t a Muslim, because Islam was still hundreds of years into the future, and he could have been a Jew, but Bethlehem was a diverse place and he easily could have been any of several other faiths which were popular at the time. Was the man who put a roof over the Lord of all Christians on the night of the birth of our faith, was he a Palestinian? We don’t know. No one does. Still, he was a man of goodness, a man of kindness, a man who did all he could at a time when no one else stepped up. So, does it matter? Does who or what he worshipped matter? This was a man who changed history with his heart and, no matter his faith, he deserves the thanks of all Christians. He even deserves the thanks of doves and sheep and fatted calves and, this is just conjecture, but quite possibly more than a few rabbits, because Christianity put an end to so much of that sacrificing of members of the animal kingdom on alters (see “Leviticus” for more detail on this). Christianity changed a lot of things – including adherence to the many laws and rituals imposed in “Leviticus”. (Make a note, Rick Perry.)

It is my hope on this eve of the Eve that Christians find a way for faith to open their hearts in the same way that man, of unknown faith, opened his stable. It is my hope that on the Holy Night and on every night we are each secure in the faith that we are each secure in the hands of God and that no human force, or law, or religion can change that.

Merry Christmas.

Yours in the Great Bunny – Arliss

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Rabbits are, by nature, prey animals and trust me when I tell you that it is a difficult cross to bear. As such, it has taken untold generations of my kind to evolve into a rabbit, like myself, who is entirely capable of managing a household of predators (ie dogs and humans) for my benefit and to do my bidding. So hear me when I tell you, we don’t get it. Why would a human as powerful as the President of the United States or the most numerous political party, the Democrats, relinquish power as if it was a simple thing to get it back?

Touching John in the Naughty Place

Is it possible that these “leaders,” and here I will use that term in the loosest possible way, are thinking that the pendulum will swing back, that the conservative tide will crest, fall and some sort of sanity will be restored? Have they not been paying attention! The Tea Party crazies have been making John Boehner look like a centrist.  I will remind you that I predicted this  (see “John ‘Cheeto’ Boehner Has a Problem“) well before the last election. John Boehner has found himself having to work with actual Democrats, just to keep the doors of government open. It probably makes him feel like he has been touched in the naughty place. Poor John. I digress (and laugh, but that’s just me). What Democrats have failed, either purposefully or not, to notice is that there won’t be much left of their party or anyone with the ability to make a change, unless they start to stem the tide now.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about dealing with the Tea Party. Those idiots will flame out in a blaze that will probably be attributed to lighting their own farts on fire. I’m talking about the people who paid for the party, Tea or otherwise. Corporations have won the right, confirmed by the Supreme Court, to buy elections. This is easily seen in the results from the 2010 election cycle. See here and here if you aren’t following me. People, 40% of all the outside money spent on the 2010 election cycle was made possible by the Citizens United ruling. That’s $186 million dollars! Those of you who have walked through the fires of Fundraising Hell know that’s one heck of a bake sale and what was sold wasn’t brownies, it was our government. How do we know this? Because they have worked so very hard to prove it during this recent, manufactured, budget “crisis.”

Meaning, Not You

Humans – I will use very small words here so that you cannot fail to understand. It was never about the budget, it was only about power for those with incomes in the top 1%, meaning not you. I’m going to sit here and munch on some grape stem while you re-read that however many times it takes for it to sink in… … … ….

Oh, you can attend a Tea Party rally, march with your misspelled sign and shout some slogan that references an historical event or movement of which you have no educated understanding but not one wit of the beneficial changes in the budget will be felt by you. No, what 99% of Americans will feel will be all the things that flow from underfunding programs upon which the less fortunate rely and by “less fortunate” I mean everyone not in the 1%.

I’ll give you some examples:

  • the top 1% can afford to hire a personal courier to deliver their mail, can you?
  • the top 1% don’t need farm subsidies, though many of them take them, can the same be said for the average farm family?
  • the top 1% can afford top-notch fire suppression and burglar systems throughout all of their homes so they are perhaps not as reliant on the first responders they have cut back; how about you?
  • the top 1% can afford to pay for 100% of their health care directly out of their pocket, for the rest of their lives, without risking their home no matter what illness befalls them; you?
  • the top 1% send their children to private schools from pre-school through university, their children never need a government backed loan or scholarship and neither do they – also, they don’t give a heck about the quality of public schools because their children aren’t there; you?
  • the top 1% already have the whole retirement thing completely under control; you?

Yeah – that’s what I thought.

Oh – and one more little thing, when the top 1% is using the Tea Party as their meat puppets to push through tax cuts for… you guessed it, the top 1% – it might behoove our Democratic leaders and President to stand up and shout that TARP AND the auto-industry bail-out AND oil company sibsidies AND, in fact, the entire corporate tax structure, already functions as their tax break. …and where, exactly is the trickle down from that? Oh, never mind, I found it.  It’s right there in my litterbox. *blush*

But shouting isn’t the way of our “leaders.” They think it makes them look too crazy. Meanwhile, Michelle Bachman actually says, out loud, that because so many courts are disagreeing with her, Congress should strip federal judges of the right to hear marriage-equality cases. STILL, our “leaders” sit quietly by while those of you who are ill go to the gallows of no health care and those of you who are healthy are headed, via the worst of usury practices by financial institutions and abuse by corporations, for bondage. And not the fun kind.

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It would be polite of me to say that my year spent in Just to the Right of Nowhere was lovely and that I appreciate everything done for me by my temporary staff but why start lying now? I have returned to my home in the capital city, Indianapolis, and I am damn glad to be here. When my Chief of Staff arrived in JttRoN she did bring gifts. It wasn’t enough to make up for her having gone, without me, to Ireland for a YEAR but I loved the dandelion. I noticed, however, that there was reticence to give me more than two blueberries-on-the-half-shell at a time. Apparently, my previous blog on the subject had an impact.

Clover did move with me. I was a widow when I was sent into exile and he became a widower while I was stuck in JttRoN so we naturally gravitated together. As one would expect, he worships me. Having him here has helped to make some of the changes easier.

On the first day, we decorated.

His grooming gets better all the time. I don't like to reciprocate.

Speaking of changes, do you know what they have in Ireland? They have greyhounds. Do you know how I know this? Because they now have one fewer. How do I know this seemingly obscure fact? Because that one lives here now!!! It’s name is Emmy. It’s big. And irritating. It keeps sniffing me…with an accent. Thump!

Are you SERIOUS?

Of course when I told the beasts to scram, they did.

I am trying to be accepting but I have to tell you, gentle reader, it’s hard.  Still, in my eleven years as a wise and disapproving rabbit I have never found bigotry to be right or just or moral or even economically viable.  I have only ever found it to be mean.

Here’s the thing – I disapprove of Emmy when she sniffs my tail but I disapprove of anyone who sniffs my tail. Period. No exceptions. (This means YOU.) In Indiana the State Legislature just spent most of the legislative session bickering about the subject of gay marriage. They came down against it because it is the firm belief of the Republican Party that staying in power is more important than doing what is right.

The Republican Party has mastered the art of championing fear* and riding that fear to victory. The key, of course, is never to focus on anything that is a genuine threat. As long as Republicans can keep their core whipped up about things that don’t matter (or can’t be solved by legislation) than they can lie at will because emotions are rarely centered on facts. This means that they expend their energy around issues like gay marriage, abortion, illegal immigration and guns instead of the kinds of core issues that build or maintain a successful nation including:  education, infrastructure, sustainable economic growth, long-term environmental issues, health care (including cost management, liability limitations, drug costs and pharmaceutical development costs, well care/preventative care etc), resource management and the military (including support of underlying technologies and industries).

Humans – there are BIG issues and BIG problems. Gay marriage is not one of them but bigotry is. Bigotry towers for the simple reason that either we believe that we are ALL valuable and all of us are needed to solve the real problems or we believe that the world really is about us and them. For you bigots who haven’t yet figured it out, unless your last name is Koch or Murdoch, you aren’t one of those “us.” Those “us” will eventually turn on you too because they only care about one thing and, trust me, it isn’t you.

So, the Republicans in Indiana have cast their votes in favor of  bigotry. It’s embarrassing. It’s wrong. It’s mean. Even disapproving rabbits know it. Step up, humans. Don’t just sit in your hutches and thump. DO SOMETHING. Next time the news is covering the “voice of the people” make sure it is your voice. Stop letting yourself be represented or intimidated or out maneuvered by homophobes and fear-driven fools. If you don’t know what to do or how to be of help, go here, the Human Rights Campaign is a great place to start.

Don’t just complain on Facebook. Don’t just make wry observations on Twitter. Don’t just be thoughtful, Work for change. Stupid is never the answer but sometimes polite isn’t either. Make noise. Thump!

[*Whereas the Democratic Party has utterly failed in this regard. We can’t even manage to effectively message real threats. It’s humiliating.]

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Yes, I have been off-line for over two months. It wasn’t planned this way but I won’t put up with any more whining. Human-up, people!  I feel confident that those of you who have been on a hunger strike, in a desperate effort to get me to blog again, will recover. Most of you needed to lose some weight anyway. To those who might not survive despite the IVs which were ultimately forced upon you, I would thank you for your sacrifice if I didn’t think you were such idiots. Anyway, I have very little time right now since I am setting up housekeeping in a new area this week. I will just hit the highlights.

1. I had surgery on my mouth again and, as usual, it was awful. For the surgery I had to wake up at 4AM and ride in my carrier for three hours until we got to the specialist. He teaches at OSU and is supposed to be one of the best in the country for such things. He seemed nice enough and thought the world of me. While I was lucky that I did not have to stay overnight, another three hours in the carrier when I was still in a post-surgical haze made for a very long day. I’m being carted back to the doctor again next week for yet another follow-up. How is it that humans can’t get the surgeries and the irritating medicine to work right the first time and then have the gall to make their failings into my problem. Regardless, I am eating well and have allowed nothing to come between me and my evening carrot.

2. Mia, the elder-bun who had been living next to me since I was exiled to the Middle of Nowhere, passed away. She and I had become friends through the fence so I was sad to see her go. I ate very little salad that night and was quiet for a few days. This, however, was nothing in comparison to the grief felt by Clover, Mia’s bonded friend bunny. I know just how he felt since I have lost a dear bonded friend as well. Mia was once ill and was away for a few months. Clover greeted her joyously when she returned. Sometimes I think he is still waiting for her to come back. It’s something in the way he looks when he goes to sit in the place where he used to snuggle with her the most. I will always be grateful to Mia for the help she gave me with my thumping. Since working with her I learned to optimize my thump and am able to express my disapproval just that much more clearly. (Being clear with humans is helpful since they are so very dim.)

3. After an appropriate mourning period and, perhaps, in response to our shared experience, Clover and I have, just recently, officially bonded. I sent out the announcement today on Twitter. It’s a mixed bonding. He’s uppy-eared and Annoying while I am a lop and Disapproving. Still, we have been able to forge a path together because he worships me and I approve of being worshipped. With regard to bonding gifts, we have registered at Busy Bunny and Kroger’s (in the produce section.)

4. As for politics, the elections have occurred since I last posted and to say that you American humans are hopeless does not even begin to convey the situation. That you manage to elect people who value myth above science** and who actively, even boldly, put the greed of corporate entities above your own welfare is inexplicable. I actually have quite a lot to say on this subject but not the time to dictate it today. Suffice to say, THUMP! *ear shake* *glare* THUMP!

[**Myth is fine but it’s MYTH. When you can prove it to me, we’ll talk. Otherwise, it’s just a bedtime story you can use and twist to your own devices. I know this is harsh but I’m especially thumped-off right now.]

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While you may be thinking that John “Cheeto” Boehner has nothing more to worry about these days than how he will be redecorating the Speaker’s office to get the Pelosi out of the carpet, let me to assure you, he has MUCH bigger problems. Allow me to explain. Remember earlier this week when you were at the grocery store to purchase a large cart full of wonderful produce to bring home to the bunnies in your life…or something close to that. While you were there a young human started to scream and cry. It didn’t matter the context because it is always the same thing, a single child brews up a tantrum which translates to, “I’m furious because you aren’t paying ALL of your attention to me, Me, ME!” To that child, the world revolves around them and whatever toy or treat they have fixated on at that moment. That child is ruining the shopping experience for everyone else in the store because none of those other people matter. Other people are not a part of that child’s microscopically small, warped universe. Now multiply that child by, say…the Tea Party and you have an idea of ol’ Cheet’s problem. John Boehner has been a bad parent and now he will have to live with the consequences.

I know what you are going to say, “The Tea Party is a grass-roots, populist uprising and in buying it a lollipop, Cheeto is just bowing to the will of the people.” Here’s what a little knowledge of grass (I believe I can be considered a specialist in that field.) and fact-checking* will get you.  As a, granted, self-avowed grass specialist, I know that populist grass is a mess and it isn’t funded by the Koch brothers. The Tea Party, on the other paw, has been heavily funded by major Republican think tanks, activists and donors. It was only made to look amateur by all the nutbars who came along for the ride. Watergate’s Deep Throat had it right all those years ago when he said, “follow the money.” Ol’ Cheeto and his buddies were just pushing the Tea Party around in his shopping cart thinking, “Wow! This is spectacular. TP, here, is giving all these Democrats a whopping headache,” but Cheet failed to notice, there were other people in the store too, namely, Republicans.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. The Democrats are going to lose this next election precisely because they exemplify that which can be found on oh-so-many grassy lawns, a

hot mess |hät mes|
a derogatory term describing a situation, behavior, appearance, etc. that is disastrously bad. Think “faux pas” but times ten. Possible origin is literal (think, steaming dogpile).
“She got up on stage and tried to sing Beyonce’s “Dangerously In Love” but her performance was a hot mess.” – the Urban Dictionary

Cheeto’s problem with the election is that he will actually lose some seats which could well have been won by a sane Republican in the general election because the sane Republican was soundly thumped in the primary. This, of course, is a relief to Harry “Closed the Gap” Reid and Chris “Double-digit Lead” Coons but not-so-much for ol’ Cheeto.

Still, it’s really the post-election nightmare that is keeping Cheeto awake at night. (Well, that and the bright orange glow in the room.) Just this week the Republican Party published their “Pledge to America” which featured, appropriately, their version of America…a whole bunch of white people. Literally. I challenge you to find a photo in the published document that shows otherwise. Of course, they could also have called this the “Dead in the Water Pledge” because the combination of trying to add more than $4 trillion dollars to the deficit and all of the actions which will be over-ridden by a simple veto means that, frankly, NONE of the Pledge will ever see the light of day. However, it will give the Democrats terrific campaign fodder both for this election-cycle (“Everyone repeat after me,  ‘trillion’?!?”) and for the next (the “2012 Do-Nothing Congress”.) The Pledge avoids making any of the genuinely hard decisions it takes to govern a nation. It’s cowboys and red meat and a whole lot of white folks – in other words, it’s a Texas Bbq – and, people, you’ve already been there. Which, is the point the Democrats are FINALLY using to gain a little traction.

Additionally, the Tea Party and its extreme backers will be successful in pushing the Republicans farther to the right than the majority of the Republican Party wants to go. Even the neo-cons (some of which are known to still have brains because just last week a mouse with a neo-con brain was spotted in Delaware) have to know this somewhere down in the heart of their polls and focus groups. I mean, it’s all very well and good for them to allow their Tea Party offspring to be a devolved, eternally angry pile of tantrum but once you are in charge, then you have to govern and the next thing you know, the Tea Party infants will be putting a Hitler-mustache on you. Cheeto is especially worried about this because, you know, orange with a black moustache will either make him look like a die-hard, Who-Dey, Bengals fan or a year-round celebration of Halloween, neither of which will make his party more attractive to voters in 2012.

Oh – and then there’s the government shut-down being threatened by the Tea Party two-year olds and their buddies. Just recently, in an interview, the still wildly popular President Clinton was noting, with glee, how well that worked for the Republican Party in 1995. Don’t think for a minute that ol’ Cheet missed that point.

The last thing that keeps Cheeto from joyfully sucking the juices out of the marrow of the bones of the children from whom he wants to strip health care is the knowledge that moving farther to the right in order to attempt to mollify the never-to-be-satisfied Tea Party is the sure knowledge that the farther he goes the harder he makes it for rational Republican Presidential hopefuls, like Indiana’s Governor, Mitch Daniels, to get elected. The Democrats may be barely as organized as a pile of poop on a nice green lawn but, when energized, there are still more of them and the fastest way to energize the Democrats in 2012 is to live with two years of Tea Party insanity between now and then. Cheeto may seem like a delicious snack and all the rage right now but he isn’t an idiot and I promise you, being awakened several times a night by a screaming kid during the next two years isn’t going to be any fun for him or for us.

Cheeto Boehner

*[Note: if you are from the neo-con media or work for any of the major news outlets, all of which are owned by conservative corporations, “fact-checking” is that suspiciously foreign thing the actual liberal media has been doing for years. For further information go here.]

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I’m sure I at least mentioned it. I’m from Kenya. We know this because I was born in Indiana and I’m a different color than many of you. More to the point, because of my coloring, I have a “Kenyan anti-colonial” worldview. What this means is that if you do not have an accurate predictive model for my behavior unless you have a clear understanding of Kenyan history and politics. Oh, yes, and you need to be a racist. Being a bigot helps but racism is really the handle by which you can carry away this pot. Newt Gingrich and Dinesh D’Souza found me out. Their firm mastery of the racism laid me bare before them.

I must learn to accept the repercussions of being a Kenyan anti-colonialist. Either that or someone needs to teach all these idiots what words mean and I have to tell you, the chances of the latter having any impact at all is about the same as the chances of me turning down my serving of kale leaf tonight. (For those not fortunate enough to live with a Kenyan anti-colonialist rabbit, the odds of kale rejection occurring would be zilch.)

There is an old joke: the UK and the US are two nations divided by one language. An example of this would be as follows:

British, ” I think I’ll knock her up and see if she has a rubber I can borrow.”

American, “I think I’ll call her and see if she has an eraser I can borrow.”

Frankly, it’s funnier when the Brits say it but that’s not my point. It has become clear to me that Americans now fall into three groups divided by a single language. There are those who still use words as they are defined in the dictionary, also known as Democrats; those who use existing words and invent totally unrelated definitions to suit their political ends, also known as Conservative Republicans or the Tea Party; and those who invent their own words from scratch, also known as computer nerds, if you grok my meaning.

For the Conservative Republicans/Tea Party, it works like this:

  1. select a scary sounding word, like “Muslim” or “Kenya” or “Qur’an” or “anti-colonialist”;
  2. attach to it all kinds of racist and bigoted rhetoric that is designed to frighten people remembering that unlike bunnies, humans are at the top of the food-chain but near the bottom of the common sense chain;
  3. know that, historically, identifying with cruelty generally works out, like the fans cheering for Michael Vick this weekend;
  4. make sure that at no time is factual information or factually based educational material allowed to gain a foothold;
  5. dominate the weak-willed, corporate-owned, conservative main-stream media.

So, in a nutshell, that explains why I am both a Kenyan anti-colonialist and a Muslim. My response is this:

People, buy a dictionary! Read a book! Grow some balls! Muslims, Kenya and the Qur’an aren’t the enemy – ignorance is – and vicious, rabbit-eating coyotes. I think we can all agree on that.

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So, during the late summer of 2010 a group of kids were sitting around and one of them said, “Let’s put on a show!” Everyone thought is was a great idea so they cleared out the garage, set up some chairs and off they went…except not…. What really happened is that given the vicious political climate in the late summer of 2010, a group of funny people decided to work together to encourage Stephen Colbert, of “The Colbert Report,” to hold a rally called “Restoring Truthiness.” After about 30,000 other people joined in the effort, they put out a call for correspondents to interview “people and rodents” from across the country about their thoughts on truthiness. Well, as we all know, bunnies are NOT rodents

Rabbits are small mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha, found in several parts of the world. There are seven different genera in the family classified as rabbits, including the European rabbit (Oryctolagus cuniculus), cottontail rabbits (genus Sylvilagus; 13 species), and the Amami rabbit (Pentalagus furnessi, an endangered species on Amami Ōshima, Japan). There are many other species of rabbit, and these, along with pikas and hares, make up the order Lagomorpha. – Wikipedia

but Arliss, being an intrepid sort of bunny, responded to the call with the courage and gusto befitting a Disapproving Rabbit and was selected as the National Rabbit Truthiness Correspondent. For more on “Restoring Truthiness” visit their website. For more on Arliss read other blog posts further down this page.

Arliss is a bun of VERY strong opinions but she doesn’t mind if your bun has equally strong opinions. Arliss is pro-strong-willed buns. In her role as a correspondent, Arliss has been asked to make a YouTube video in which she interviews other rabbits on their views on truthiness. This is how it will work. Arliss will have her film crew film her as a series of cartoon-style talk bubbles are held up behind her which translate her questions into English so that humans can understand them. The questions are listed farther below. Participating buns will have their staff film them with answers to one or all of the questions held up in clearly written talk bubbles. Like so:

Bunny with Talk Bubble

Bunny with talk bubble.

Arliss will select bunny respondents for the final video based upon how much they bring the funny. Views of all kinds are hoppily accepted. Arliss will then have her production staff edit together various responses into a single video and submit the whole thing to “Restoring Truthiness.”

Arliss’ Questions:

1. What does truthiness mean to you, the Average American Rabbit?

2. Of the multitude of ways in which restoring truthiness will improve each and every moment of your life, which is the most important?

3. Is the direct connection between carrots and truthiness as obvious to you as it is to me?

4. Is the grass always truthier on the other side of the fence?

5. Do you view truthiness as THE umbrella under which the lop-eared and the uppie-eared can live together in perfect harmony?

6. Agree or Disagree:  the vicious, rabbit-eating eagle is an excellent symbol of truthiness.

7. Final Question, Agree or Disagree:  the best way for any future Presidential candidate to prove his or her commitment to truthiness would be to select a rabbit as a running mate.

When submitting video, please include the name of the human transcriber, an email address where this human can be reached and the city where the bunny lives. Obviously, we don’t really care where the human staff lives, Arliss is ALL about the bun.  😉   If anything typical of the city where the bunny lives can be included in the video, that would be especially great. Funny answers are what it is all about and Arliss brooks no fools. If your bun would like to participate or you have any questions, please feel free to contact Arliss at arlissbunny@earthlink.net. You can also follow her on Twitter at ArlissBunny or subscribe to her blog, right here at WordPress.

All for Truthiness and Truthiness for All!

Arliss out.

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You think I’m kidding, that this is satire, but I am saying, in the grand tradition of Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin is a communist spy. Oh alright, I’ll bow to the pressure of political correctness. Sarah Palin is a Russian political operative. Here’s a helpful chalkboard diagram as evidence.

Arliss' Chalkboard Diagram

Allow me to explain.

1. Sarah Palin wears LOTS of red. I know, other American female politicians do too, but not like Sarah. Red hair, flaming red lips, red-head to toe – almost all the time. Red. Red. Red. The slang for communist is “red.” Red is the color most commonly associated with Russia even after the fall of the Soviet empire. Red = Red

2. In an interview by Glenn Beck, who was more fawning than actual fawns,

Beck – “Who’s your favorite founder?”

Palin – “Ummmmm…you know…well, all of them.”

We’re talking here about a woman who not only can’t name a single founding father of the United States but quite possibly couldn’t think of one because the over-riding thought that filled her head when she was asked the question was, “Marx, Lenin or Stalin…it’s so hard to decide! Oh, and wouldn’t it be just a BLAST to have a beer with Boris Yeltsin!” You know how it is, once you get one answer in your head, it’s so hard to dig up another one.

3. In an interview with Kati Couric, Palin couldn’t name a single book or news publication which she reads…in English. I suspect she knew that answering “Pravda” wouldn’t go over well with American voters.

4. As a normal American or, frankly, any nationality of rabbit, you have to ask yourself, “Self, what is it with this Palin woman and bears?” I’LL TELL YOU! Bears are the animal most commonly associated with what country?!?! That’s right, kind Reader, Russia, hence, the RUSSIAN bear.

5. Palin has no respect what-so-ever for any media which is either unfiltered or intent upon reporting facts. She only accepts interviews from verifiably friendly media and engineers all events to only allow pre-screened questions just like every single Russian and Soviet politician since…well…forever. Where do you think she learned that?

6. She is an ardent supporter of the plaid* Birther Movement meaning that she supports the immediate removal of the current US President. It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that this is a plot with Russian fingerprints all over it. It’s what the Kremlin dreams about – when they wake up and need a towel.

* See the landmark film “Spaceballs” to fully appreciate this sly and yet hilarious reference.

7. Her husband, Todd, is a fisherman, clearly a nod to the proletariat. Why else would anyone marry someone who smells like that?

8. During the 2008 campaign she was fixated on being able to see Russia from Alaska. Really? I find myself compelled to ask, “Sarah, just exactly how much time have you spent longingly staring at Russia? Wishing you could be there? Wishing it could be here?” Now I say to you, the Average American, “How much time have you spent staring at Russia?” I’m guessing zero. That’s what makes you an American and her, well…something else entirely. (Note my exceptional use of the vaunted Glenn Beck Reasoning System here.)

As a closing comment…OMG, I almost forgot…she’s a HOCKEY mom!!! Need I say more, people? HOCKEY for crying-out-loud! What more could I say to you? How much more evidence do you need? (If you could see me now you would know that my paws are reaching out and there are earnest tears pouring down my face.) This woman is an enemy of the State. She is the moral anti-thesis of all that is good and right, of Democracy with a CAPITAL D, of kittens, people. Sarah Palin is an enemy of kittens everywhere! Sarah Palin is the Devil! (Too much?) Ok, strike that last part. Sarah Palin has had tea with the Devil…at a Tea Party.

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