Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘House Rabbit Society’

Yes, I have been off-line for over two months. It wasn’t planned this way but I won’t put up with any more whining. Human-up, people!  I feel confident that those of you who have been on a hunger strike, in a desperate effort to get me to blog again, will recover. Most of you needed to lose some weight anyway. To those who might not survive despite the IVs which were ultimately forced upon you, I would thank you for your sacrifice if I didn’t think you were such idiots. Anyway, I have very little time right now since I am setting up housekeeping in a new area this week. I will just hit the highlights.

1. I had surgery on my mouth again and, as usual, it was awful. For the surgery I had to wake up at 4AM and ride in my carrier for three hours until we got to the specialist. He teaches at OSU and is supposed to be one of the best in the country for such things. He seemed nice enough and thought the world of me. While I was lucky that I did not have to stay overnight, another three hours in the carrier when I was still in a post-surgical haze made for a very long day. I’m being carted back to the doctor again next week for yet another follow-up. How is it that humans can’t get the surgeries and the irritating medicine to work right the first time and then have the gall to make their failings into my problem. Regardless, I am eating well and have allowed nothing to come between me and my evening carrot.

2. Mia, the elder-bun who had been living next to me since I was exiled to the Middle of Nowhere, passed away. She and I had become friends through the fence so I was sad to see her go. I ate very little salad that night and was quiet for a few days. This, however, was nothing in comparison to the grief felt by Clover, Mia’s bonded friend bunny. I know just how he felt since I have lost a dear bonded friend as well. Mia was once ill and was away for a few months. Clover greeted her joyously when she returned. Sometimes I think he is still waiting for her to come back. It’s something in the way he looks when he goes to sit in the place where he used to snuggle with her the most. I will always be grateful to Mia for the help she gave me with my thumping. Since working with her I learned to optimize my thump and am able to express my disapproval just that much more clearly. (Being clear with humans is helpful since they are so very dim.)

3. After an appropriate mourning period and, perhaps, in response to our shared experience, Clover and I have, just recently, officially bonded. I sent out the announcement today on Twitter. It’s a mixed bonding. He’s uppy-eared and Annoying while I am a lop and Disapproving. Still, we have been able to forge a path together because he worships me and I approve of being worshipped. With regard to bonding gifts, we have registered at Busy Bunny and Kroger’s (in the produce section.)

4. As for politics, the elections have occurred since I last posted and to say that you American humans are hopeless does not even begin to convey the situation. That you manage to elect people who value myth above science** and who actively, even boldly, put the greed of corporate entities above your own welfare is inexplicable. I actually have quite a lot to say on this subject but not the time to dictate it today. Suffice to say, THUMP! *ear shake* *glare* THUMP!

[**Myth is fine but it’s MYTH. When you can prove it to me, we’ll talk. Otherwise, it’s just a bedtime story you can use and twist to your own devices. I know this is harsh but I’m especially thumped-off right now.]

Read Full Post »

Before the revolution, meaning before it became more common for bunnies to live indoors and receive the level of health care rightfully accorded to most house rabbits, we lived short and very often miserable lives at the hands of careless, or at the very least uneducated, humans. However, in the last twenty years or so, great inroads have been made. More and more buns are living to be happy, healthy elder buns – including me. I’m nearly eleven. (Mia, next door, is almost twelve and her bonded partner, Moesha, who passed earlier this year, was fourteen.) Of course, the virtues of this are immediately apparent:

1. we have a longer time to hatch and execute our plots to take over the world (or is that just me?);

2. we have the proximity necessary to wrap humans around our little paws and make them dance like marionettes (or, again, is that just me?); and

3. instead of working every day on just staying alive, we have the time to become technically savvy so that we can…. (opps! I may have said too much…. Bwhahaha!).

Anyway, at the heart of all of this is the improved diet and health care afforded the modern house bun. That being said, I have some thoughts on the American health care system. I know, it has been a big subject in the media this year and I am late to the debate but I have been busy with other projects (see list above) and it was not until I was reminded, just this week, of how much I disapprove of  the current health care system that I felt compelled to comment.

Let’s start with the location. How is it that in order to, supposedly, feel better, I must first be packed, unwillingly, into a carrier and transported nearly half way across the known universe in order to receive an appropriate level of care? What’s the deal?!?! The dog who lives here can literally WALK three blocks to get to a veterinarian. Obviously, the education for most veterinarians is grossly lacking and must be completely overhauled. I am clear on the fact that I am both exceptional and notable enough to rate a specialist but that doesn’t excuse the local vet from being absolutely useless (and a known bunny killer, having used the wrong antibiotic on an unfortunate local bun.) Human universities need to get it together and prepare ALL of their veterinary graduates with at the very least the BASICS of bunny care. What could POSSIBLY be more important? Thump!

Now let’s move on to the facilities. What’s the deal with bunnies having to share with predators? This past week I was placed on a scale wich very clearly smelled of both dog and cat. There were no members of those species immediately apparent in the room but they can be shifty, especially cats, and one can never be too careful. (Mia tells me that Moesha’s personal mantra was “everyone eats bunnies, bunnies don’t eat anyone.” This strikes me as defeatist but not unwise.) My response, since the scale was on the floor, was to make a run for it. I got about six hops away before my efforts were mitigated by my being snatched up into the air. Hurrumph! My point being, humans clearly insist upon human-only medical facilities and I think bunnies and other non-predatory species should band together and do the same. Also, would it be so hard to have a scale made of some non-slippy material? Seriously, people, you try to stand there with fur covering 100% of the bottom of your paws! Thump! Thump!

I do find that the doctors and staff at the specialists which have attended to me to be, in the norm, as respectful as possible given the abhorrent circumstances. My most recent visit involved meeting Dr. Rebecca Naas, of Cincinnati’s Glenway Animal Hospital, for the first time. Dr. Naas was kind enough to sit on the floor to examine me and I have to tell you, this is very much appreciated since those examination tables really give me the creeps, not to mention flashbacks to earlier, unspeakably horrible experiences. Dr. Naas gave me a thorough exam and carefully checked my eyes all without having to have me more than one hop up off the ground. She also spoke directly with me. (I absolutely HATE it when doctors talk about me and not to me – it’s SO insulting.) She and I agreed that while my cataracts are much worse, my eyes are both “quiet” with zero indications of infection either there or anywhere else. We discussed the inevitability of aging and I have accepted this as one unfortunate part of the process. She even offered to refer me to a veterinary ophthalmologist should I have any further concerns. I elected to attempt a second escape at that moment so I think I made it plain that I am just fine, thank you, and not in need of another ride in the crate or another doctor poking at me. In general, as far as doctors go, I liked her and would recommend her to other buns. (Mia, btw, tells me that she sees another doctor in that same practice, a Dr. Diana Dornbusch Cron, and absolutely raves about her – as if a veterinarian COULD actually “walk on water.”)

As for the cost of health care, frankly, not my problem directly it still is a matter worthy of disapproval.  I endured several procedures in an attempt to address awful recurring infections prior to having my front teeth extracted (I still have PTSD about that and don’t really wish to discuss it here), have had numerous well-checks and this most recent trip to have my eyes evaluated. My medical expenses, therefore, have been substantial. This, of course, is nothing in comparison to my personal value. It does, however,  speak to the level of commitment necessary from my humans. I have no problem with the jobs they need to work in order to support me in the manner which I so richly deserve and to which I have become accustomed but it is worth saying that the cost of health care is one of the reasons bunny servitude (formerly known as bunny ownership) must not, at present, be undertaken lightly. More importantly, it serves to highlight the urgent need for national health care insurance for all members of the fur-covered community. While it is true that Bo, President Obama’s dog, and I will never be close friends, I do think we share this as a core value. I am expecting Bo to work toward this as a personal goal for the balance of the Obama presidency. I will vote accordingly.

Well, I must hop. An episode of Pinky & the Brain is coming on. It’s my favorite show. I even take notes sometimes. I’m thinking it will save me from making some of the same mistakes as my plans progress for… … …nevermind….

Pinky & the Brain

Pinky & the Brain

Read Full Post »

As you, my followers, will recall, my last blog contained a poll and from this poll I learned two important things:  first, the blame rests squarely on the blueberries and second, I am taking over the world. In regard to the former, I should have suspected the evil berries at the outset but they wooed me with their yummieness and, disguised in those little blue jackets, they didn’t seem like they could possibly be at fault. Upon taking a second look (and after drying off *grumble*) it is clear to me that they were of ill intent from the outset. Lesson learned.

You may be wondering, as followers are wont to do, what I mean when I say I am taking over the world. Two words, “social media.” My insistence that my staff provide the resources necessary to connect me to the social masses means that there is now a practically infinite number of bunnies and humans who can readily be exposed to my every thought and comment on all the many things of which I disapprove.

Arliss' Bunspace Badge

Arliss' Bunspace Badge

Just this past weekend, I committed myself to sharing my wisdom on Twitter (ArlissBunny) and I am experimenting with Bunsapce. I am entertained by the fact that my secretary has been tweeting for something like a year and has only thirty-five followers while I have been actively tweeting for three days and already have thirty. I anticipate crushing her in the coming days. Bunsapce seems a bit froofy for me but a number of interesting resources are available there and I do like seeing pictures of all the bunnies and reading their stories.

On social media, a few general remarks are in order:

Twitter: I positively and without reservation HATE the World Cup for screwing up Twitter beyond all recognition. Equally to blame is Twitter for not knowing that little tiny birds can’t carry whales. If that’s your plan folks, try again. You and BP apparently went to the same school for contingency planning.

Additionally, while looking around on Twitter, I learned that I am definitely a liberal. This determination was made based upon the fact that I am a vegan, against human overpopulation of the planet, blame all environmental woes on humans and am pro gun control, though I still stick with the stance I espoused in my earlier blog, “Approval, Grapes and Guns.” The humans who provide my staff services do not necessarily support all of my opinions but that is to be expected. They aren’t really all that bright, after all.

The other thing I find about Twitter is that it creates in me an urge to pontificate on all manner of things about which I, basically, know nothing, like today’s SCOTUS decision on patent law. I’m my own best creation and I can’t be replicated, so why would I give a flying flip kick about patent law? Twitter is subversive that way.

Bunspace: Bunspace is a whole different warren of bunnies. Instead of being filled with all the sports and political crazies, Bunspace is chockfull of bunny crazies. Ok, I consider this an improvement but still, virtual carrots? I don’t get it.

And here’s the last take away on what I have derived from my experience thus far with social media:  nearly seventy humans took my poll. Seriously, people, nearly seventy of you cared enough to take a poll on what or who was to blame for poopy butt. Doesn’t this cause you worry for your species? I know it does me. Never-the-less, I’m planning to ride my fame to its zenieth, utilize my following to subvert the ruling class and then take over the world. Arliss, out.

Read Full Post »

It’s so horrible. I can barely bring myself to tell you about The Incident. There I was, out minding my own business, hoping through my kingdom when, suddenly, events overtook me. Actually, I seem to have hopped ahead of myself.

Let’s begin with who is at fault. First of all, of course, Amy (of Gripping Commentary fame) for taking away my primary means of self-expression and clean-up. Even if everything had still happened just as it did, at the very minimum I could have made my rather extreme thoughts on the matter known. Second, my current staff, who just wandered off and left the door to Clover and Mia’s area open thinking they were “just going to be gone for a few minutes.” Seriously! Like that was responsible behavior? Finally, I blame Clover and Mia for being at the far end of their area, standing there and just letting it all happen. Thanks, you two, we will be taking this up after I have fully recovered.

Anyway, back to my story. There they were, six blueberries, lying a few inches inside the door, cut in half and prepared precisely as they should have been – blueberries on the half-shell. There was no one anywhere near them. They had been there for nearly three minutes and I was certain they were going to wilt before Clover bothered to hop himself across to eat them. (Even if Mia had come over in time, she would only have had one or two halves. She’s careful that way.) Obviously, this was a tragedy in the making and I was the only one there with any hope of saving the situation. I did what any respectable bunny would do, I hopped in and ate all six berries. I have to tell you, it was close but I managed it, not a single berry wilted.

Of course, at that very moment, my staff returned, there were loud exclamations and I found myself being hoisted, very unceremoniously, up into the air as if it were I who had been in error. (I refer you again to paragraph two, above, if you have any questions regarding fault.) I was returned to my own space and, get this, the two blueberries which had been left for me were actually removed! (Very rude if you ask me.)

All of this leads us up to last night when…I’m searching for the right words…the worst disaster involving my tail which can possibly be imagined. Suffice to say that seventy minutes of bathing and clipping took place. Bathing…with a sprayer hose! BATHING! And I can’t even go into the fur-cut that came out of it all. There’s just no amount of personal grooming that is going to make this alright. *thump* *Thump* *THUMP*

Now that you know the story, and in light of all the horror, I have decided to take a poll so that blame can be properly assigned. You are welcome to vote as many times as you like.


In conclusion, I know that there are those, Mia included, who view this as a matter of karma and that may be so but if it is, karma isn’t a bitch, it’s definitely a blueberry. *thump*

Read Full Post »

1. Your wearing of the black dress slacks is NOT MY PROBLEM! *thump* Like all bunnies, I reserve the right not only to be covered in fur at all times but to release my fur whenever I see fit. Your slacks seem like the perfect opportunity for self-expression. My suggestions are to a) carry a lint roller 24/7, b) wear jeans or c) go naked. What ever you do, however, I insist that you never, ever, under any conditions, imply that the fur thing is a bunny problem. Bunnies have no problem with fur. The fur thing is a human problem.

2. My name is Arliss and I am a GIRL. Use of male pronouns is not appreciated. Just because my slave name is considered a “male” name by some uneducated fools does not mean that I should accept such insult without thumping. *thump!*

3. So, I was watching the news the other day, because it was on in the front room while I was hopping through, and I have to say you humans just really don’t have a clue. The oil thing in the Gulf is another perfect example of massive human hubris. *thump* When will you get it? Having opposable thumbs and large brains doesn’t give you the right to do what ever you want. What they give you is the burden of having to be responsible for your actions. One way or another, the Earth will have its way and you better not screw anything else up for bunnies! (Or whales since, I have to admit, I kind of approve of whales.)

4. How long can one complete gutting of the entire second floor of a house and full remodel take?!?! As I understand it, it will be at least another month before I can move back upstairs into the new rooms. *thump* What is it with contractor time? Is it like dog years?!?! David – any input here?

Does contractor time equal dog years?

A question from an inconvenienced bunny.

Read Full Post »

There aren’t enough thumps in the world to express how incensed I am about the inability of my current staff to manage time in such a way as to be able to get my latest missive posted. It’s almost as if they have something more important to do! *aggravated ear shake*

Mia, who kindly agreed to assist me in improving my thump.

I should tell you that I have not just been sitting idly by during my absence from the web and while it may appear, based upon past posts, that I think overly highly of myself and diminish everyone else, I must assure you that this is not the case. In fact, late in March I discovered that I had a fault. It was, admittedly, a harrowing realization and an area which I immediately moved to correct. It all started one day when I was minding my own business and borrowing some hay from the other side of the fence. Mia, who happens to live on the other side, took notice and firmly thumped me. I was shocked. Shocked, I say! This was not because of the thump itself but rather its volume and timbre. Mia, who is half my size, put out a thump bigger than any rabbit I have ever heard. The floor literally shook. The humans downstairs jumped. It was the single most impressive disapproval I had ever heard. I was in awe. I simply HAD to learn how she did it.

I was in awe.

With the understanding that I would no longer use her hay for my own purposes, Mia agreed to give me thumping lessons. We started later that day and worked on it over the next week with excellent result. First she would thump then I would try to replicate her technique, then she would go again and then me. We would go back and forth for fifteen or twenty minutes at a time and I must say that my hard work really paid off. I have adjusted my angle of attack and timing just enough to really maximize the velocity and consequent volume of my thumps. I feel I can now say that my shortcoming has been addressed and I can move on with a pristine slate.

The thing about self-improvement is that it really gets one to thinking. Doing all that work on thumping did allow me to recognize that I had my own gifts in that area. I have genuinely excellent rhythm. I have always been artistic, having nibbled many articles on the subject. Additionally, I have always been into interior decoration, putting my personal stamp on every place I have ever lived. It was not, however, until I became focused on my thumping that I realized that I am a musician as well. With the stark realization of my own musical gifts laid right at my paws, I immediately called upon my contacts and went into the studio. The result is my first single,  Hate on Me.  For those of you without the musical ear or facility, my thumping begins several bars into the piece. I feature a double and occasionally a triple thump in addition to my exceptional single thump work. I must say that I am thrilled with the efforts of all of my backing musicians though I am unhappy with the mix because I feel the singer has been brought to the forefront making the less sophisticated listener work harder to hear me. (I have already spoken with my agent about it and I am assured that future releases will not have this problem.)

I find the lyrics to this piece particularly moving because they express my feeling that I don’t really give a flying thump what anyone else thinks. I hope you enjoy it but, of course, if you don’t that’s your problem.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: