Oh, Great Bunny, I come to you tonight, in prayer, my head bowed and my paws together, beseeching you to ease the immense pain and suffering of others and by “others” I mean the bunnies of Mexico, who have been shaken to the core in this massive earthquake, and, of course, the Republican party….
OH! *cough* I didn’t see you there! As I bask in the glorious sunspot on the floor in my room I find myself truly appreciating the joy that is Spring along with all the entertainment it brings. I mean, what could possibly be better than tuning in each night to _________________________ (pick ANY news/politics show) and reveling in the clown car that has become the Republican Party. Truly, I haven’t laughed this much in years. Also, I am already looking forward to seeing the dresses Michelle wears to the Inauguration and the balls that night. After all, this time she isn’t limited to just an American designer. She will be done, done, done with campaigns and elections. I’m expecting to hear that she spent the night in epic Katy Perry form.
http://www.buzzsugar.com/Katy-Perry-Music-Video-Last-Friday-Night-TGIF-17859109
It didn’t have to be this way, of course. The Republicans could have chosen to run someone who might actually get elected but, much to the off-the-hook, unending gratitude of comedians everywhere, they LITERALLY elected otherwise. Even at this late battling-all-the-way-to-the-Convention date, they could feign something that actually resembles strategy – but they won’t and I could not possibly be more geeked about it and trust me when I tell you, I’m not the “geeked” sort. Ever. Still, this is such a ridiculous confluence of Republican mis-steps that I am making an exception.
What They WILL Do
Republicans will nominate Mitt Romney and Democrats will ride Romney-isms like:
Corporations are people, my friend.
and
“It’s because of the banks…. Well, banks aren’t bad people. They’re just overwhelmed right now.”
and
“The banks are scared to death, of course. They’re feeling the same thing you’re feeling.”
and
I’m not concerned with the very poor.
and, my personal favorite
The economy is coming back….It always comes back after a recession.
[Really, Mitt, who told you that economies naturally recover and was it inscribed on golden tablets – because that is not an economic fact so it must have to do with your religious beliefs.]
…all the way to the White House. Well, that and the fact that Democrats actually have policies that are more closely aligned with what the greater percentage of the electorate really wants – like banking reform, building and protecting American jobs, a safety net when things don’t work out, health care and getting the hell up out of the personal lives of everyone in America including, and especially, women and homosexuals.
Bo advises the President.
All this AND Obama never strapped the family dog to the roof of his car which I can tell you, as someone who has spent more than my fair share of time in the evil box with holes, is reason enough to vote Obama. Two thirds of voters, which includes a whole lot of Republican dog owners, call Romney’s actions “inhumane.” I’m not nearly as polite. More to the election winning point, 42% of women polled say that it makes them less likely to vote Romney. I think we can anticipate LOTS of Obama posters featuring him playing with first dog Bo. Rallys will inevitably include “Dogs for Obama” posters and even cat owners will cough it up because this is just too hideous a fur ball to ignore.
What They SHOULD Do
They should nominate Rick Santorum. I’ll wait until you finish gasping with horror… … … … … … … …. Alright, no one ever said I was patient, finish gasping on your own time.
Republicans should nominate Santorum not because he can win, which he most certainly can not, and not because Lorne Michaels would be forever grateful but because it is the one and only chance the non-right wing part of the Republican Party, read as “the electable Republicans,” may EVER have to send the right-wing, Tea Party nut bars back to the kiddie table…for good.
The core Republican leadership already knows that this election is a lost cause and if they were savvy they would put this loss to work for them by proving, for once and for all, that the far greater majority of Americans are not bigoted, fascists and thereby reducing the Tea Party to their rightful place as the whining, minority voice which is the true reflection of their place in this country.
Take a note, people, be they ultra-liberals or Tea Partiers, extremists are the fringe and we have been allowing them to run the show for too long. Once upon a time it was possible to engage in civil debate in this country. In fact, that was the case right up to “The Contract With On America.” Newt Gingrich and Karl Rove changed everything because they created a political poison-well whereby winning by whatever means necessary was the ONLY course allowed and Democrats were to be opposed on all fronts, even those upon which both parties agreed. They created the concept that Democrats were wrong ONLY because they were Democrats.
This brings us up to today where the Tea Party will shut down government and ruin lives rather than enter into goodwill negotiations and, in case you missed it, this has brought disaster down not just upon the country* but upon the Republican Party itself. Don’t mistake me, I believe in the right to disapprove. In fact, I am the Queen of that parade, but I believe in a loyal opposition. I think most of us do. I think it is the cornerstone of Democracy and that it is worth fighting for.
[*You will recall that the credit rating of the US was lowered not because of the financial crisis but because our Congress was deadlocked in debate and could not take the actions the world financial community deemed necessary.]
The Republican Party has a chance, a perfect chance, to fight that fight on behalf of all of us…but they won’t because that would take more courage than just creating a misleading name for something or someone and repeating it over and over and over and, as we all know, they are the kings of that parade.
Arliss Bunny's Blog 