Arliss Bunny's Blog

The thing about being a Famous Disapproving Rabbit is that periodically one simply must approve of something or the human staff loses heart and stops trying with their every breath to curry your favor. With this in mind, I have decided to approve of grapes. I was suspicious at first. Afterall, a grape does look and smell a bit odd and one never knows if the staff just popped a bit of poison in it so that they can live large on bunny money for a year. However, I looked across the room and the other bunnies seemed to be just thrilled with the whole grape thing so I decided to give it a whirl and, what do you know, I approve. My grape was excellent. It was prepared perfectly, they call it “grape on the half shell,” and I plan to order it again in the future.

Something else I have found I approve of – guns. Oh, I know what you are thinking and believe me, I agree with you. Humans can’t be trusted with guns. As best I can tell they actually are so ignorant that they usually use them to shoot each other. When they aren’t doing that they apparently do something they refer to as “hunting” which, as I understand it, involves going out into the woods with a massively over designed weapon to shoot completely unarmed herbivores. Ridiculous. As if the gigantic planet-killing cattle industry wasn’t enough meat for these people. Have they ever even looked at their teeth? They have a couple of general tearing teeth in the front, just like bunnies do (but not as sharp – tee hee) and then in the back they have a whole bunch of grinding teeth, again, just like bunnies. In between that they have one tooth on each side, top and bottom, for pointed tearing. All those cows, pigs, sheep and this whole “hunting” thing for four teeth! Really! Get serious people! Trust me, you don’t need to eat meat to be feared. Two words – Monty Python. That’s all I’m sayin’ people.

But back to my subject…guns. You know why I like them? Because a stupid human hunter (I’m sorry, I know that was a redundant phrase) was out with his dog in someplace called Lyngdal, Norway to hunt, you guessed it, rabbits. The hunter set down the gun and the dog “accidentally” pulled the trigger, shooting the hunter. Unfortunately, the man was only injured a little bit. Fortunately, the rabbits saw the whole thing and immediately obtained a mail order assault rifle. [I got my information from a man named Dave Berry, who I am certain is reporting with complete accuracy and is a genius…for a human that is.] I, myself, have been closely studying my new Winchester catalog and I have pretty well decided on the Model 70 Extreme Weather SS. So just to be clear, since I know some of you are a bit dim, I disapprove of guns for all humans but approve of arming rabbits.