Well isn’t this just grand. Here I am, a perfectly spectacular bunny just beginning my active elderbun years and I find myself in this fix. My human staff, who I have been training for the better part of ten years has had the nerve to take a posting in Ireland for a year and has left me with substitute staff. Let me be the first to say, everything about this is wrong.
First of all, I can accept that the trip to Ireland would be trying and something called quarantine would be really horrible (and much too long) but has anyone ever seen a photo of Ireland that didn’t feature loads of green grass?!? Clearly, this is a place I would appreciate but instead I have been relegated to spending a year in a not entirely rehabed Victorian in Rising Sun, Indiana. If you are wondering where that is, get a map of the United States, find the Middle of Nowhere and look just to the right. Now, you’ve got it. They are in Ireland and I am in someplace you can’t even see on your map. You would be pissed too.
In response to this thoughtless slight, I have decided to post a blog documenting my thrilling year just to the right of Nowhere. Perhaps a few initial facts are in order. I am a ten-year old lop rabbit and because my staff are properly educated members of the House Rabbit Society (www.rabbit.org) I live inside where I am safe, properly fed, utilize a litter box and have maximum access to my staff. I am spayed (no cancer for me!) and, in my particular case, have had several other surgeries to deal with some unfortunate abscesses that ultimately caused my surgeon to have to remove my four front teeth. While this would be a debilitating problem for many bunnies, for me it simply means that my personal chef provides my daily salads, mini carrot and hay all cut up into small pieces so that I can easily manage my meals. I’ll have more to say on the subject of meals in this and later blogs since mealtime is one of the highlights of this or any day. Finally, I should state, without prevarication, that I am not one of those meek, sweet, quite bunnies. No sirree! I’m a loud and proud bitch of a bunny who has earned my reputation boxing ankles and communicating my frequent displeasure with a forceful thump accompanied by a meaningful glare. I’m what the bunny appreciative humans refer to as a feisty bun. So there.
To conclude this first blog, I’ll take a quick run at just a few of the many other things that are wrong. Everything, for instance, smells wrong. The dog is entirely wrong. The one they have here is large, has curly fur and is pumpkin colored all over. Clearly, wrong. I’ve already mentioned the new staff and I have to say that my old ones were so much better. They already knew just what I wanted and when to have it ready for me. This new staff does everything at the wrong times. THUMP! The lack of proper housing is truly unacceptable. I have been allotted a small (borrowed) hut which is really quite marginal. Apparently I am awaiting the arrival of something called a Maze Haven (from BusyBunny.com) but that remains to be seen and surely should have been ordered prior to my arrival. THUMP!
The only bits of good news are that the other two bunnies in the room, Mia and Clover, seem polite enough (more on them another day) and the food has been pretty good. I especially enjoyed the Brussels sprout and the kale. In closing, I will say that I am trying to be patient which, I think, is more than anyone could or should expect from me.
Arliss Bunny's Blog 
Dear Arliss,
I know you are with me in spirit today, because I could not even get on my computer at work. I also have been exasperated with hold music and phone calls and after five hours still do not have a flight. Thanks for thwarting my travel with your bitterness!
Your Angora friend Vegas is very sad that you left. We didn’t think you guys liked each other, but she’s pretty lonely. She has taken to hanging out in the living room with us and asking the big hairy collie for pets. Then she escapes and hops all over the house, perhaps waiting for your thumps to guide her.
I am sorry I couldn’t not take you with me. You have probably noticed that you have more room and bigger windows in your new place, and way more veggies to be served in your special bite-sized fashion. I’m impressed that you demanded the staff provide kale, because I forgot to tell them it was your favorite. Now that I know you are stomping at them, I see the pecking order has been established and all is well. I was a little worried that you hadn’t stomped when I first left you with the staff, but I’m glad you are back to your signature communication.
I will have to bring you a souvenir from Ireland. I don’t think bunnies are house pets very often there, so please forgive me for trying to leave you in a better spot. It is always my fault.
Respectfully,
That lady who has been feeding you since 2001
Oh, good heavens, Arliss. How are Vegas and I supposed to compete with *this*? I can’t even keep my own blog up to date, let alone take dictation from Her Fuzzyness. I guess that social web interface with the Face and the Book will have to suffice for her… I can’t tell her you have a blog, or I’m sure she’ll be jealous!